Monday, August 2, 2010

Consume me from the Inside out!

God put that song on my heart some time ago to teach to our church body but  He also put a  check in my spirit about the timing. Last week when I thought I had sensed where God wanted me to go with the worship music for Sunday He began to "trouble my waters" and when my elder called me to talk about the service  and what God was  stirring in him,I knew that God was not done with what I'd put together mentally or on my computer page. THIS WEEK "Inside Out"  WAS  to be a part of our worship. Do you know this song? I LOVE IT!!!!

"From The Inside Out "
Verse 1

A thousand times I've failed

Still Your mercy remains

And should I stumble again

Still I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame



Verse 2

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself

In bringing You praise

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart in my soul

Lord I give You control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise

Become my embrace

To love You from the inside out!!!!!!

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart

Is to bring You praise

From the inside out

Lord my soul cries out




OH YES  LORD....the cry of my heart is to bring You praise.from the inside out OH MY SOUL CRIES OUT!!!!! LORD!

The flow from "I'm Coming Back to the Heart of Worship" to "the old hymn "Take My Life and Let It Be Consecrated Lord to Thee" to that song  and into "Spirit of the Living God Fall Fresh on Me" was purely God's creation..............not ME, not YOU, not US, but "all about You Jesus" bringing Him praise because we are , we have, we will be consecrating  our lives to Him alone   so  that we  can  pray
 "Melt me, mold me , use me  fill me!!!!"
SO how does that affect or influence my life when I am not thinking about leading praise and worship? More and more it is EVERYTHING! Kari Jobe posted a comment on her Face Book page theother day which SO aptly described what I was feeling. She said that the more she is involved in worship the more RUINED she becomes because God's presence is so wonderful and awesome!   R U I N E D  is the word...ruined for silly worldly things that don't matter a fig toward eternity, RUINED for wanting to be in God's presence ALL the time, to have God's presence in everything I do or sy. and in this I fail so miserably but its my desire: to be ruined for the earthly "Stuff" because God has set my feet on "Higher Ground" That's not to say disinterested in the goings on about me, NOT AT ALL! I believe we are to be good stewards of ALL that God blesses us with from ciitzenship in our wonderful country to how we care for our things AND all of the HUMANS whom God puts into our lives, our jobs, callings, gifts, funds, our time................because its all part of the life that God has given to each of us : TO ME.  I want to be interested in all the goings on of my  husband, (many ) children and then other family/friends... . I don't always do that so well, or what I do is not perceived as well as I intended it to be manifested: hurt feeelings and anger result. HOW do I let You fix that  Lord?? Consume me from the inside out  so that I am as sensitve to all the needs of all the people you've blessed me to  love on. Melt  ME...MOLD me, FILL me.....USE  me because I am so flawed and so inadequate unless I am consecrated  to You! Please Lord help me to lay down my ME STUFF every day, as often in a day as is necessary for the sacrifice which is ME to be consumed for Your glory and Your purposes! Amen   yes and  very amen!
Daniel is different" since his surgery. He has not really smiled since he came home  from the hospital two weeks ago. He is more easily aggitated and irritated. Sunday he woke up at his regular time but was so on edge that he cried literally ALL day..............lightly or with gusto, he cired , fussed, complainedand cried for about 8 hours. He has a slight fever, nowhre that I touched prompted a more impassioned fuss than if I didn't touch him. He could not fall asleep; eating was its usual difficult time of no swallow...poke or prod, a bit of swallow and then back wash.....with some extra back wash . ONLY me holding him, thumping on his back relaxed him and helped him to not be crying non-stop. I mean thumping HARD...... I thought, but it calmed him and after being  awake for 9 1/2 hours he fell  asleep...till 11PM and yes he was awake and fussy till 5:30 this AM. He has not slept in the bed with me before last night butthat was what he needed: very close contact and constant thumping on his back. He had a better day today for which I am very thankful, but no smiles again today...only the absence of irritation. I miss his sweet smile. I wonder if the surgery was harder on hin than we'd anticipated, I wonder if he hurts somewhere, if he is feeling "used up"  and worn out already. I wonder how long it will be until he gets his feeding tube ( Mickey button) in so that feeding does not have to be  the yucky thing it is right now.....................the more I read about children with his diagnosis, the more I wonder how much time  he "lost" by being totally untreated for over two years. Even children who are treated from birth tend to not live very long.........................I do not "go there" in terms of all the "what-ifs" of life, but in my spirit I have sensed  for quite a while that Daniel will probably not be with us a long long time , unless God chooses to intervene in some way...which  we would welcome and expect and not be surprized about, but we have thought all along that God was going to use Daniel   just as he came home, for his whole life as an object lesson of God's own uncondtitional love for us.  I  think that God would want to show His people that WE  are  all essentially Daniel in the spiritual sense, needing someone to do everything for us, flailing our arms quite often, and   making some noises,   frequently complaining,  acting in a purposeless fashion................yet God loved us  and sent His Son to die for us., as individuals.  I can't "do" anything for  Daniel , but what God can do to each of us  ON THE INSIDE goes beyond anything : any box that anyone has ever put God in!  I think we have no real clue because we are so busy flailing  about,  but God has  the Plan.  THAT is the path I want to be on, stay on and lead others to find. If I do not invite God to consume me  so He can use me, I will not be able to do any of what I know God has called me to do, certainly NOT  'bring Him praise'! Lord I am desperate for YOU!!!

5 comments:

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

WHAT A POWERFUL POST! AMEN! AMEN!

I love you so much!

Praying for Daniel with you this morning!

Hugs and blessings,
Jill

Dawn - "Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

LOVE that song.....we have used it at our church, and at our camp this past summer. What a reminder.....

Thank you for your post. Time to refocus

love2bmom said...

I love you sister. Thanks so much for this today. Praying for/with you about your boy.

A. Gillispie said...

Poor baby boy. Praying that he is smiling again soon, and is feeling no pain. Praying for your momma heart too.

Ranee said...

I can't even begin to tell you how this journey, and this particular post have touched me and opened my eyes to possiblities that I'd not even considered before.

Wiping my eyes of the good tears I shed while reading this post and reading your latest update!