Thursday, September 25, 2008

some days are just harder than others

God is always good. He is always in control but that doesn't mean that sad , heartbreaking things don't happen. They do. Our daughter Hannah went to her OB appointment this morning for her scheduled ultrasound to check on the pregnancy and get a "head count".Meds and family history were leaning toward a multiple baby pregnancy and we were eager to find out. All was going well until after the doctor found the placenta . That was all he found. No baby , babies, no heart beats, no little arms or legs................something had happened and the placenta kept growing even though the baby had died. A second ( and internal) ultrasound in the afternoon confirmed the findings of the first one and Hannah is having a D&C in the morning. All the excitment which had built throughout the week and which was bubbling from my sweet daughter quickly turned to tears and heart break. Her husband was off work for the day and was with her. For that I am so thankful. We prayed together several times, and I saw God pouring out His Spirit of comfort upon her and Jon but OH YES,
we are hurting. The memory of all 7 of my miscarriages has come flooding back in empathy for my daughter. It was a pain and sadness I hoped that none of my children would experience and yet now my daughter and I share the sadness of both loosing our first pregnancies . I will be with her for the day tomorrow and Saturday we will have a 4th birthday party BBQ for Mady, Jon's daughter whom Hannah loves as much as any mom could love a child. HOW I praise God that the exhcange of Mady from her birth mom went well today. It is seldom nice, and I am thankful to the Father that Mady is with them this weekend because Hannah has both Jon and Mady to focus on as she grieves the loss of their baby. When I was pregnant the last time, our daughter Kari was pregnant too and we teased about the movie "Father of the Bride, part 2" where the mom and daughter were pregnant together. Well, that time Kari had twins and I lost the baby. Hannah and I kidded about it being our turn for "Father of the Bride, part 2" this time...her pregnancy and our adoptions. Perhaps if she is able to heal and conceive again after a few months we will STILL have our "fantasy" come true. We won't travel until after mid February for our children. Not as close in arrivals perhaps, but its still possible!!!!!!!!
My prayer today has been in song. "Blessed be your name. When the darkness closes in Lord still I will say 'Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name. My heart will CHOOSE to say 'blessed be the name of the Lord!'" I am trusting God to heal my daughter and my son in law of their broken hearts as He heals her body and that He draws them even closer to Himself in this hard time, and that I will be what she needs me to be in this very grown up mother -daughter situation.


Rebecca said...

I am so sorry for Hanna's loss. I have only learned in the past 9 months what it means to praise the Lord in the midst of the storm. There is intimacy with HIM like I have never known. I will praying for healing of your hearts and for Hanna's health as well.
So, so, sorry.

Laurel said...

So sorry to hear of the loss in your family. I lost a baby at 14 weeks of pregnancy, and could not believe the lack of compassion, especially from the medical professionals. Since I already had 6 healthy children, they just assumed it was no big deal to lose one. Now, with 13 children, I guess I should be able to lose 2 or 3 without much grief. Go figure ...