Sunday, January 24, 2010

and a new chapter begins, less a character...sort of

HOW did I do that??????????????? I hd shared exactly what was on my heart about my week, God's faithfulness, His out-stretched hand holding me SO close this week, holding so many needy people close to His heart...........and I hit "Something" with the side of my hand and all of a sudden "oi" was all that was on my page.
40 minutes, the FIRST 40 uninterrupted minutes in days to which I could devote myself to writing, and I LOST my words.
Please pray for my son Caleb as he leaves to go back to his military duty station in the morning? His leave is over, his marriage is now over too. He goes back to the base where he and the woman who is no longer my daughter- in- law, once lived together with a huge chocolate Lab named Marley. He returns, not to on- base housing but to the barracks as a single man. As if going to war is not a hard enough thing, he came home to a marriage betrayed and an empty bank account, and a wife who no longer wanted the job or the title, just the pay checks that being MRS SGT Smith provided. Sadly as of Wednesday afternoon, she now has none of those things. Papers signed and filed, a simple divorce was granted ending their short marriage in a swift scribble of a pen. It was the saddest event of Caleb's life and the saddest in a number of years in mine or Charlie's, and yet the saddest moment for which we were also relieved. We prayed for them faithfully but when a couple or either part of a couple does not serve the Lord, choosing instead to serve his or her self first first first.................marriage can not be taking place, can't be growing and getting stronger, deeper , more intimate. IT grows cold, distant, irrelevant , and inconvenient. Caleb is broken, hurt, confused and angry. He believed that this was the thing about which he was most sure in his whole adult life . God moved on me to remind him that even a divorce is not the final stroke of God's hand necessarily. IF he was right and she IS /WAS /WILL BE the right woman for him, God will draw her to Himself and back to Caleb. Only if she chooses to remarry and totally disallow God to reunite them is this a totally closed door. IF God had someone else all along and Caleb missed it with Courtney, she has relieved him of being married to him. He is by all scriptural guidelines free to marry again. For now he needs to heal from the pain of this betrayal and heartbreak, needs to work on his promotion board coming up soon, work toward accomplishing some needed military schools and career development. Most of all, and I praise God for the time Caleb and our elder pastor had together...time to meet with God together. That time and the goals set for Caleb spiritually are the most important for him to focus on in the weeks and months to come. They never got into a church before Caleb deployed; it is his priority now. Please pray with me that God leads Caleb quickly to THE church in which he may find a welcome spot to be ministered to and to minister as well? A place where there is accountability and shepherding, follow-up and fellowship?
I can not describe how my Mamma heart aches over this past five month long death of my son's marriage. I've held him, big and buff as he is, while he cried. A stupid family tiff caused him even more pain and for that I will be sorry a very long time. Its incredible how FAST a selfish thought and action can inflict severe pain, especially to one who is already wounded, tender and raw from his wounds. I held him as he cried and I begged his forgiveness for the pain that I, totally unintentionally but selfishly took part in inflicting. I rejoiced in the love and joy that the little kids poured out on their big brother, praised God for the healing oil their love was to Caleb's wounds. I was thankful too for the love and support of the older sibs as well...without feeling a need to chop Courtney up to pieces with their words, they cautiously but compassionately loved on their brother and made sure he knew they were absolutely along side Caleb.
We are praying for Courtney. She made some very stupid and selfish choices, very bad choices forwhich there is no excuse. IT has cost her a great price. I odn't know that her poor choices of associates and spending habits spilled over into poor job performance but she is now moving back to her parents' house, has no job, has to sell her car, and the friends who loved to party with her when she had Caleb's money: I don't know how much longer they are going to hang around now... with no apartment to party in and no one to buy the parties? Its all so very very sad to watch. I only know that my phone calls to her went unanswered, my voice mails not rsponded to , my text messages ignored. I had no address for her: she never gave it to me. Caleb did't have it either. I know I tried to keep reaching out to her while Caleb was gone, but that was not what she wanted from me, apparently. A number of times I called her mom to check on her so she would know (in case she had not gotten my other messages) that I WAS checking on her . AS far as I know her mom passed on my messages, but she never called me back or came to visit. She is a messed up young woman who may not know how messed up she is..........yet. I pray she doesn't go too much farther into the muck before she recognizes what she's doing. IF God has her for my son, or not, I want to see or hear that she is one day repentant and broken before God, I want to see her tranformed by her Father into the young woman He designed her to be. She does not have any Godly friends or family to guide her in that direction, I pray that she becomes encamped about by people who love God and will love on her and show her (back?) to Jesus. I want to rejoice in the knowledege that she has begun a real relationship with her Savior! I long for her, like the many others like her: myself included , to recognize herself in the rich words of "AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME... I once was lost but now am found was blind but now I SEE!!!!!"

3 comments:

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

Praying with you!

Love you and hugs,
Jill

Autumn Mist said...

I am a mum to a son. He is the love of my life. I am with you in prayer on this one, dear sister.

Michelle Riggs said...

Praying for you all. I am sorry you are hurting.