a little boy named Matthew

died last night in Liberia.





He was about 3. He needed umbilical hernia surgery more than a year ago. In March when I met him, at our own Junior and Diamoh's orphanage, he was rolly poly, he laughed and smiled and even spoke...mostly to say "I'm gonna beat you up!". He had some spina bifida issues, he needed more medical help than was available in Liberia. His adoptive Mom, H, had gone to Liberia in February in hopes of getting a medical visa for him if an adoption was not possible (the suspension on adoptions in Liberia had just started several weeks earlier), but some things didn't come together the way she'd hoped. Matthew was starting to get pressure sores from the weight of the grapefruit sized umbilical herniation on his tummy. Several of us treated those wounds, showed nannies how to keep up the treatments after we'd left, even his soon-to-be-adoptive brother Charles, 13, helped out. We all wanted Matthew to do well, and be well. Somewhere after late March, some thing changed. Matthew got sick, really sick. He lost a lot of weight, he began to fade. A lot of ugly things were being said, some people made accusations regarding Matthew, BUT: he STILL needed surgery, he still needed to be adopted, at the very least he needed to be where he could get really good medical care for his little lumpy, bumpy, twisted body. As I understand it, money was raised to help him, from several sources, somehow he had surgery in Liberia, but not until after he had gotten really sick and lost that weight. I have read accusations and innuendos, no kidding: about whose money was better. It was shameful! I saw photos of Matthew taken after we'd left Liberia and I could barely believe they WERE Matthew! He was thin thin thin, his skin barely covering his bones actually, weak and pasty colored. A lot of "stuff" happened that I don't know details about, I have my own opinions, but who doesn't??
Matthew died this morning or late last night. I could not believe that news.
I do not believe that Liberia had dead babies with special needs in mind when the suspension was imposed to correct irregularities and possible "marketing " allegations of non- orphans being matched with families and adopted.....I don't dispute that this was possible and probable. NO provisions were made for any cases when the suspension began however. A "new law" was ordered to be written and passed to protect the children of Liberia..................THAT was January. Last night was July 22. To date there is no new law any where near passage and Matthew is dead.
The military expression for this kind of tragedy is a rather pragmatic one: "collateral damage" and it means the unintended outcome of designated actions.
The gossip and ugly posts on some of the Liberian adoptive family email groups aka "lists" is shameful. The braggings on the part of some about their organizations being "better" "transparent" "ethical" etc etc, what THEY have done as opposed to what "others" have or have not done, is nauseating. A BABY DIED, unnecessarily. A medical visa was requested, after all the details were worked out, even with the adoptive mom in Liberia, and our government denied it. THAT was not Liberia. THAT was our government. Has the adoptive community banded together to demand an answer for this travesty of justice? Not yet, and I suspect that as long as one agency can blame another and spew "This would NEVER happen on MY watch!" kinds of rhetoric, it will not. There are other life-threatened special needs children in Liberia, needing their adoptive families to be able to complete their adoptions and get those children home BEFORE they too become "collateral damage." I wonder if Matthew's tragic, and again I say, unnecessary, death, will serve as a catalyst in dealing with this suspension of all adoptions, be motivation to write a good law, process the cases waiting already, address the special needs children who don't HAVE time to wait out a suspension and the writing of new laws, ie, do something that is truly FOR the good of the children. I won't post the "after " photo of Matthew. This photo is how I remember a sweet little guy who needed a good break, and didn't get it. He is with Jesus now. That is better for Matthew, in light of what didn't happen in a timely fashion for him on earth. I would just love for his life , which ended much too soon, to become a symbol for the needed adoption provisons for the truly needy children of Liberia, and the poster child for new laws with teeth, and ethical compassion. I am sure that his birth mother is grieiving over the loss of her son, for whom she had such hopes of a better quality of life, as is H, his adoptive mom, who met both Matthew and his birth mom, and also loved him. The lady/ family who was matched with him later on to help with a second attempt at a medical visa, cared for him too. Those of us who had been in Liberia and cared for him at all, we too are grieving. He was "our little boy". I am sad for what happened to Matthew. I will be sadder still, if the events which led to his death do not contribute to a better plan for adoption and child care in Liberia ...............................