Friday, September 19, 2008

if I am trusting God implicitly, why is my stomach churning?

A friend shared some information about a foundation which provides adoption grants. This organization had extra funds available so was providing opportunity to apply for an unplanned grant between September 1 and 8. I prayed over my words, filled out the form on Sept 1, asked to be added to thieir email news list, and waited..............and prayed , and waited. Today a comment I made to one of my beloved email Sister-groups caused this friend to let me know that she'd gotten an email from the organization saying that they had selected and notified three recipients of the grant. OBVIOUSLY not the SMITHS. OK so I am disappointed that we were not selected, but I fully acknowledge that there are always folks needier. That part is ok. BUT, here's the stomach churning part.............DID I hit a wrong button and NOT supbmit the application at all?????????????????????????? Why aren't I even on their email list as I also asked? The other churn-cranker is that they announced in the email my friend sent on to me (since I didn't get it) that they were so touched by the stories of the applicants that NEXT TIME they have funds to give as a grant, they will pick from THAT batch of applicants, and not open the pool to new ones. Since we are proceeding in Ghana as an independent adotpion, and not affiliated with an agency, there are far fewer organizations who will provide grants. IF I "blew" this one somehow, it is back to square one with trusting God to show us what to check into next. I am believing that we will NOT go nose deep into debt over our new children, so I know if I did inded "blow" this opportunity, God will open a new path for us to walk on...................but my stomach is still churning.Did God provide an opportunity and I got careless with it? I am not much of a second -guesser so right this minute I am really trying to rebalance KNOWING in my deepest knowing places that GOD (with my "help" and without) makes NO MISTAKES against WHAT's UP WITH THIS???????? I am totally fine with not getting the grant, I am NOT OK with DID LINDA MESS UP!!!??? I emailed the organization asking if they would check on the existence of our application.That will tell me something anyhow.
We now have 5 wonderful notarized copies of our home study in hand, are awaiting word of referrals for our new children's identities, my Tupperware fund raiser is in full God going to provide in such a way that we don't "NEED" the grant folks??? I'm OK with that certainly, my faith was not in them anyhow, but it sure seemed "right" , "easier" "cool" "worth hoping for". I DO KNOW that My GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL OUR NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY. I just need to know where the next doors are so I can knock on them.
Praise God , three other families did get financial assistance for their adoptions!! God met some needs this week and I am so thankful that these other people's burdens were lightened a bit!!!! My stomach will be fine!

1 comment:

Laurel said...

Praying for your funding. A year ago we decided to move forward with the adoption of 3 siblings from Ghana (to add to our 10 bio.), with absolutely no idea of how it was to be paid for.

A month later, an anonymous donor gave our church $15,000 to assist us with our adoption expenses. Yes ... our God is a BIG God, and HE can do MIGHTY things for us.